Monday, December 6, 2010


When I think of songs like “I’m surrounded by trials, I need a knight in shining armor to save me”, I feel as though they are written especially for me. The people I thought would be with me in times of sorrow and fear have turned their back on me, and the people I thought were my friends are the ones who sneer at me from a distance. When I found out that the people I thought of leaving behind are the ones who really love me, my life is filled with remorse. To vindicate the wrongs/things I’ve done have now becomes the most desirable thing for me. Oh, what road should I now follow, which path would be the best for me? When will I ever reach the stage which we called ‘Maturity’ and what more do I have to go through to reach that stage?
I’ve often heard the saying that there’s nothing we can really rely upon. Apart from this, I thought that I’ve experience this many more times that I’ve heard people talk about it. But, as long as the thing what we call ‘Life’ stays within me; the burdens of this world are bound to surround me from all corners. Does ‘making new friends’ means that we’re adding the numbers on the list of enemies? In a place where everything is topsy-turvy, where what seems good and right turns out to completely wrong, and where everything turns up side down when we are going to make a decision, how would I lead my life and which road should I take? How can I make a right choice and how can I make out whom to trust and whom to rely upon?
Sometimes I tend to agree with the theories of egoists that “I should always put myself primary and everything else secondary; that I should do what is good for me and put myself first”. Even if you don’t expect the best from others, I don’t think you would expect the worst as well. On the other hand, when others from whom you have high expectations hurt your sentiments instead, how did you face that situation? To avoid being a coward, are you hiding your feelings, or you try to escape rather than finding a solution and left to suffer the consequences? I really don’t understand what I should do, and what move I should make! I don’t think stepping into the dark world where there are full of an endless pits would not be the most wonderful thing to happen nor the most desirable decision to make.
Lost in between the sea-shore and the sea, neither I’m cold nor warm, what kind of life is this? How can I find my way out of this confusion? How can I make myself to move ahead? They say, “Ships are built on the shore and sent to the sea for sail, and life goes on like this”. But I don’t seem to understand how much of me have been built and how many of it is left to be mended and completed. Do you say that peoples around you are your best mirrors? But which mirror should I look at to see my true self? Every mirror shows different reflections!
When will this thick cloud of darkness that envelops me fade away and when will the fair breeze come along to wipe away this darkness that has surrounded me?

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